My situation was however still
the same, or something worse, by the animosity of my enemies, who
sought to find me in a fault. I feared a relapse, and unwilling to run
the risk, I preferred abstinence to exposing Theresa to a similar
mortification. I had besides remarked that a connection with women was
prejudicial to my health; this double reason made me form
resolutions to which I had sometimes but badly kept, but for the
last three or four years I had more constantly adhered to them. It was
in this interval I had remarked Theresa's coolness; she had the same
attachment to me from duty, but not the least from love. Our
intercourse naturally became less agreeable, and I imagined that,
certain of the continuation of my cares wherever she might be, she
would choose to stay at Paris rather than to wander with me. Yet she
had given such signs of grief at our parting, had required of me
such positive promises that we should meet again, and, since my
departure, had expressed to the Prince de Conti and M. de Luxembourg
so strong a desire of it, that, far from having the courage to speak
to her of separation, I scarcely had enough to think of it myself; and
after having felt in my heart how impossible it was for me to do
without her, all I thought of afterwards was to recall her to me as
soon as possible. I wrote to her to this effect, and she came. It
was scarcely two months since I had quitted her; but it was our
first separation after an union of so many years.
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