My cruel imagination, incessantly
tormented by the apprehension of evils still at a distance, diverts my
attention, and prevents me from recollecting those which are past.
Caution is needless after the evil has happened, and it is time lost
to give it a thought. I, in some measure, put a period to my
misfortunes before they happen: the more I have suffered at their
approach the greater is the facility with which I forget them; whilst,
on the contrary, incessantly recollecting my past happiness, I, if I
may so speak, enjoy it a second time at pleasure. It is to this
happy disposition I am indebted for an exemption from that ill humor
which ferments in a vindictive mind, by the continual remembrance of
injuries received, and torments it with all the evil it wishes to do
its enemy. Naturally choleric, I have felt all the force of anger,
which in the first moments has sometimes been carried to fury, but a
desire of vengeance never took root within me. I think too little of
the offense to give myself much trouble about the offender. I think of
the injury I have received from him on account of that he may do me
a second time, but were I certain he would never do me another the
first would be instantly forgotten. Pardon of offenses is
continually preached to us. I knew not whether or not my heart would
be capable of overcoming its hatred, for it never yet felt that
passion, and I give myself too little concern about my enemies to have
the merit of pardoning them.
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