I had no doubt that, finding in the present case a more favorable
opportunity, they would be very careful to take advantage of it.
Notwithstanding exterior appearances, I knew there reigned against
me in the heart of every Genevese a secret jealousy, which, in the
first favorable moment, would publicly show itself. Nevertheless,
the love of my country called me to it, and could I have flattered
myself I should there have lived in peace, I should not have
hesitated; but neither honor nor reason permitting me to take refuge
as a fugitive in a place of which I was a citizen, I resolved to
approach it only, and to wait in Switzerland until something
relative to me should be determined upon in Geneva. This state of
uncertainty did not, as it will soon appear, continue long.
Madam de Boufflers highly disapproved this resolution, and renewed
her efforts to induce me to go to England, but all she could say was
of no effect; I have never loved England nor the English, and the
eloquence of Madam de Boufflers, far from conquering my repugnancy,
seemed to increase it without my knowing why. Determined to set off
the same day, I was from the morning inaccessible to everybody, and La
Roche, whom I sent to fetch my papers, would not tell Theresa
whether or not I was gone. Since I had determined to write my own
memoirs, I had collected a great number of letters and other papers,
so that he was obliged to return several times. A part of these
papers, already selected, were laid aside, and I employed the
morning in sorting the rest, that I might take with me such only as
were necessary and destroy what remained.
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