Finally I hate you because you have been desirous I should; but I hate
you as a man more worthy of loving you had you chosen it. Of all the
sentiments with which my heart was penetrated for you, admiration,
which cannot be refused your fine genius, and a partiality to your
writings, are those you have not effaced. If I can honor nothing in
you except your talents, the fault is not mine. I shall never be
wanting in the respect due to them, nor in that which this respect
requires."
In the midst of these little literary cavillings, which still
fortified my resolution, I received the greatest honor letters ever
acquired me, and of which I was the most sensible, in the two visits
the Prince of Conti deigned to make to me, one at the Little Castle
and the other at Mont-Louis. He chose the time for both these when
M. de Luxembourg was not at Montmorency, in order to render it more
manifest that he came there solely on my account. I have never had a
doubt of my owing the first condescensions of this prince to Madam
de Luxembourg and Madam de Boufflers; but I am of opinion I owe to his
own sentiments and to myself those with which he has since that time
continually honored me.*
* Remark the perseverance of this blind and stupid confidence in the
midst of all the treatment which should soonest have undeceived me. It
continued until my return to Paris in 1770.
My apartments at Mont-Louis being small, and the situation of the
alcove charming, I conducted the prince to it, where, to complete
the condescension he was pleased to show me, he chose I should have
the honor of playing with him a game at chess.
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