Moreover she had required me to make known
the reasons for my refusal to my pretended friends, that it might
not be imputed to her. Yet I could not state the true reason without
doing an outrage to Madam d'Epinay, who certainly had a right to my
gratitude for what she had done for me. Everything well considered,
I found myself reduced to the severe but indispensable necessity of
failing in respect, either to Madam d'Epinay, Madam d'Houdetot or to
myself; and it was the last I resolved to make my victim. This I did
without hesitation, openly and fully, and with so much generosity as
to make the act worthy of expiating the faults which had reduced me to
such an extremity. This sacrifice, taken advantage of by my enemies,
and which they, perhaps, did not expect, has ruined my reputation, and
by their assiduity, deprived me of the esteem of the public; but it
has restored to me my own, and given me consolation in my
misfortune. This, as it will hereafter appear, is not the last time
I made such a sacrifice, nor that advantages were taken of it to do me
an injury.
Grimm was the only person who appeared to have taken no part in
the affair, and it was to him I determined to address myself. I
wrote him a long letter, in which I set forth the ridiculousness of
considering it as my duty to accompany Madam d'Epinay to Geneva, the
inutility of the measure, and the embarrassment even it would have
caused her, besides the inconvenience to myself. I could not resist
the temptation of letting him perceive in this letter how fully I
was informed in what manner things were arranged, and that to me it
appeared singular I should be expected to undertake the journey whilst
he himself dispensed with it, and that his name was never mentioned.
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