This letter served me as a shield against my weakness. I made
and kept to the resolution of seeing nothing in Madam d'Houdetot but
my friend and the mistress of Saint Lambert; and I passed with her a
tete-a-tete of four hours in a most delicious calm, infinitely
preferable, even with respect to enjoyment, to the paroxysms of a
burning fever, which, always, until that moment, I had had when in her
presence. As she too well knew my heart not to be changed, she was
sensible of the efforts I made to conquer myself, and esteemed me
the more for them, and I had the pleasure of perceiving that her
friendship for me was not extinguished. She announced to me the
approaching return of Saint Lambert, who, although well enough
recovered from his attack, was unable to bear the fatigues of war, and
was quitting the service to come and live in peace with her. We formed
the charming project of an intimate connection between us three, and
had reason to hope it would be lasting, since it was founded upon
every sentiment by which honest and susceptible hearts could be
united; and we had moreover amongst us all the knowledge and talents
necessary to be sufficient to ourselves, without the aid of any
foreign supplement. Alas! in abandoning myself to the hope of so
agreeable a life I little suspected that which awaited me.
We afterwards spoke of my situation with Madam d'Epinay. I showed
her the letter from Diderot, with my answer to it; I related to her
everything that had passed upon the subject, and declared to her my
resolution of quitting the Hermitage.
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