He
treated me severely, but in a friendly manner, and I perceived I had
lost something in his esteem, but not the least part of his
friendship. For this I consoled myself, knowing it would be much
more easy to me to recover the one than the other, and that he had too
much sense to confound an involuntary weakness and a passion with a
vice of character. If even I were in fault in all that had passed, I
was but very little so. Had I first sought after his mistress? Had not
he himself sent her to me? Did not she come in search of me? Could.
I avoid receiving her? What could I do? They themselves had done the
evil, and I was the person on whom it fell. In my situation they would
have done as much as I did, and perhaps more: for, however estimable
and faithful Madam d'Houdetot might be, she was still a woman; her
lover was absent; opportunities were frequent; temptations strong; and
it would have been very difficult for her always to have defended
herself with the same success against a more enterprising man. We
certainly had done a great deal in our situation, in placing
boundaries beyond which we never permitted ourselves to pass.
Although at the bottom of my heart I found evidence sufficiently
honorable in my favor, so many appearances were against me, that the
invincible shame, always predominant in me, gave me in his presence
the appearance of guilt, and of this he took advantage for the purpose
of humbling me: a single circumstance will describe this reciprocal
situation.
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