I
hope this becomes more clear.
"Thus the woman whom I most esteem would, with my knowledge, have
been loaded with the infamy of dividing her heart and person between
two lovers, and I with that of being one of these wretches. If I
knew that, for a single moment in your life, you ever had thought
this, either of her or myself, I should hate you until my last hour.
But it is with having said, and not with having thought it, that I
charge you. In this case, I cannot comprehend which of the three you
wished to injure; but, if you love peace of mind, tremble lest you
should have succeeded. I have not concealed either from you or her all
the ill I think of certain connections, but I wish these to end by a
means as virtuous as their cause, and that an illegitimate love may be
changed into an eternal friendship. Should I, who never do ill to
any person, be the innocent means of doing it to my friends? No, I
should never forgive you; I should become your irreconcilable enemy.
Your secrets are all I should respect; for I will never be a man
without honor.
"I do not apprehend my present perplexity will continue a long time.
I shall soon know whether or not I am deceived; I shall then perhaps
have great injuries to repair, which I will do with as much
cheerfulness as that with which the most agreeable act of my life
has been accompanied. But do you know in what manner I will make
amends for my faults during the short space of time I have to remain
near to you? By doing what nobody but myself would do; by telling
you freely what the world thinks of you, and the breaches you have
to repair in your reputation.
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