This folly, which at
twenty-six years of age, had made me guilty of some extravagant
behavior to Madam de Larnage, whom I did not know, would have been
pardonable in me at forty-five with Madam d'Houdetot had not I known
that she and her lover were persons of too much uprightness to indulge
themselves in such a barbarous amusement.
Madam d'Houdetot continued her visits, which I delayed not to
return. She, as well as myself, was fond of walking, and we took
long walks in an enchanting country. Satisfied with loving and
daring to say I loved, I should have been in the most agreeable
situation had not my extravagance spoiled all the charm of it. She, at
first, could not comprehend the foolish pettishness with which I
received her attentions; but my heart, incapable of concealing what
passed in it, did not long leave her ignorant of my suspicions; she
endeavored to laugh at them, but this expedient did not succeed;
transports of rage would have been the consequence, and she changed
her tone. Her compassionate gentleness was invincible; she made me
reproaches, which penetrated my heart; she expressed an inquietude
at my unjust fears, of which I took advantage. I required proofs of
her being in earnest. She perceived there was no other means of
relieving me from my apprehensions. I became pressing: the step was
delicate. It is astonishing, and perhaps without example, that a woman
having suffered herself to be brought to hesitate should have got
herself off so well.
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