She did not always confine herself to
these friendly exhortations, and, in case of need, did not spare me
more severe reproaches, which I had richly deserved.
I spared myself still less: the moment I was alone I began to
recover; I was more calm after my declaration- love, known to the
person by whom it is inspired, becomes more supportable.
The forcible manner in which I approached myself with mine ought
to have cured me of it had the thing been possible. What powerful
motives did I not call to my aid to stifle it? My morals, sentiments
and principles; the shame, the treachery and crime, of abusing what
was confided to friendship, and the ridiculousness of burning, at my
age, with the most extravagant passion for an object whose heart was
pre-engaged, and who could neither make me a return, nor least hope;
moreover with a passion which, far from having anything to gain by
constancy, daily became less sufferable.
We would imagine that the last consideration which ought to have
added weight to all the others, was that whereby I eluded them! What
scruple, thought I, ought I to make of a folly prejudicial to nobody
but myself? Am I then a young man of whom Madam d'Houdetot ought to be
afraid? Would not it be said by my presumptive remorse that, by my
gallantry, manner and dress, I was going to seduce her? Poor
Jean-Jacques, love on at thy ease, in all safety of conscience, and be
not afraid that thy sighs will be prejudicial to Saint Lambert.
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