Then was it my eyes were opened: I felt my misfortune, and
lamented what had happened, but I did not foresee the consequences.
I hesitated a long time on the manner in which I should conduct
myself towards her, as if real love left behind it sufficient reason
to deliberate and act accordingly. I had not yet determined upon
this when she unexpectedly returned and found me unprovided. It was
this time, perfectly acquainted with my situation, shame, the
companion of evil, rendered me dumb, and made me tremble in her
presence; I neither dared to open my mouth nor raise my eyes; I was in
an inexpressible confusion which it was impossible she should not
perceive. I resolved to confess to her my troubled state of mind,
and left her to guess the cause whence it proceeded: this was
telling her in terms sufficiently clear.
Had I been young and amiable, and Madam d'Houdetot, afterwards weak,
I should here blame her conduct; but this was not the case, and I am
obliged to applaud and admire it. The resolution she took was
equally prudent and generous. She could not suddenly break with me
without giving her reasons for it to Saint Lambert, who himself had
desired her to come and see me; this would have exposed two friends to
a rupture, and perhaps a public one, which she wished to avoid. She
had for me esteem and good wishes; she pitied my folly without
encouraging it, and endeavored to restore me to reason. She was glad
to preserve to her lover and herself a friend for whom she had some
respect; and she spoke of nothing with more pleasure than the intimate
and agreeable society we might form between us three the moment I
should become reasonable.
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