Children, by
whom this effect should have been produced, were brought into the
world, but these only made things worse. I trembled at the thought
of intrusting them to a family ill brought up, to be still worse
educated. The risk of the education of the foundling hospital was much
less. This reason for the resolution I took, much stronger than all
those I stated in my letter to Madam de Francueil, was, however, the
only one with which I dared not make her acquainted; I chose rather to
appear less excusable than expose to reproach the family of a person I
loved. But by the conduct of her wretched brother, notwithstanding all
that can be said in his defense, it will be judged whether or not I
ought to have exposed my children to an education similar to his.
Not having it in my power to taste in all its plenitude the charms
of that intimate connection of which I felt the want, I sought for
substitutes which did not fill up the void, yet they made it less
sensible. Not having a friend entirely devoted to me, I wanted others,
whose impulse should overcome my indolence; for this reason I
cultivated and strengthened my connections with Diderot and the Abbe
de Condillac, formed with Grimm a new one still more intimate, till at
length, by the unfortunate discourse, of which I have related some
particulars, I unexpectedly found myself thrown back into a literary
circle which I thought I had quitted forever.
My first steps conducted me by a new path to another intellectual
world, the simple and noble economy of which I cannot contemplate
without enthusiasm.
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