But, attributing this melancholy to that he had acquired in
the dungeon of Vincennes, and of which there is a very sufficient dose
in his Clairval, I never once suspected the least unfriendly dealing.
This excursion and this occupation enlivened my spirits and was of
service to my health. Several years before, tormented by my
disorder, I had entirely given myself up to the care of physicians,
who, without alleviating my sufferings, exhausted my strength and
destroyed my constitution. At my return from St. Germain, I found
myself stronger and perceived my health to be improved. I followed
this indication, and determined to cure myself or die without the
aid of physicians and medicine. I bade them forever adieu, and lived
from day to day, keeping close when I found myself indisposed, and
going abroad the moment I had sufficient strength to do it. The manner
of living in Paris amidst people of pretensions was so little to my
liking; the cabals of men of letters, their little candor in their
writings, and the air of importance they gave themselves in the world,
were so odious to me; I found so little mildness, openness of heart
and frankness in the intercourse even of my friends; that, disgusted
with this life of tumult, I began ardently to wish to reside in the
country, and not perceiving that my occupations permitted me to do it,
I went to pass there all the time I had to spare. For several months I
went after dinner to walk alone in the Bois de Boulogne, meditating on
subjects for future works, and not returning until evening.
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