A thousand means were thought of to
indemnify me for the time I lost. The next thing would have been
showing myself like Punch, at so much each person. I knew no
dependence more cruel and degrading than this. I saw no other method
of putting an end to it than refusing all kinds of presents, great and
small, let them come from whom they would. This had no other effect
than to increase the number of givers, who wished to have the honor of
overcoming my resistance, and to force me, in spite of myself, to be
under an obligation to them. Many who would not have given me
half-a-crown had I asked it for them, incessantly importuned me with
their offers, and, in revenge for my refusal, taxed me with
arrogance and ostentation.
It will naturally be conceived that the resolution I had taken,
and the system I wished to follow, were not agreeable to Madam le
Vasseur. All the disinterestedness of the daughter did not prevent her
from following the directions of her mother; and the governesses, as
Gauffecourt called them, were not always so steady in their refusals
as I was. Although many things were concealed from me, I perceived
so many as were necessary to enable me to judge that I did not see
all, and this tormented me less by the accusation of connivance, which
it was so easy for me to foresee, than by the cruel idea of never
being master in my own apartments, nor even of my own person. I
prayed, conjured, and became angry, all to no purpose; the mother made
me pass for an eternal grumbler, and a man who was peevish and
ungovernable.
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