Madam Dupin no longer finding in Madam de Chenonceaux all the docility
she expected, made her house very disagreeable to her, and Madam de
Chenonceaux, having a great opinion of her own merit, and, perhaps, of
her birth, chose rather to give up the pleasures of society, and
remain almost alone in her apartment, than to submit to a yoke she was
not disposed to bear. This species of exile increased my attachment to
her, by that natural inclination which excites me to approach the
wretched. I found her mind metaphysical. and reflective, although at
times a little sophistical; her conversation, which was by no means
that of a young woman coming from a convent, had for me the greatest
attractions; yet she was not twenty years of age. Her complexion was
seducingly fair; her figure would have been majestic had she held
herself more upright. Her hair, which was fair, bordering upon ash
color, and uncommonly beautiful, called to my recollection that of
my poor mamma in the flower of her age, and strongly agitated my
heart. But the severe principles I had just laid down for myself, by
which at all events I was determined to be guided, secured me from the
danger of her and her charms. During a whole summer I passed three
or four hours a day in a tete-a-tete conversation with her, teaching
her arithmetic, and fatiguing her with my innumerable ciphers, without
uttering a single word of gallantry, or even once glancing my eyes
upon her. Five or six years later I should not have had so much wisdom
or folly; but it was decreed I was never to love but once in my
life, and that another person was to have the first and last sighs
of my heart.
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