How much justice was there in
the thought! A preconception of what I had to suffer made me fear to
live, and it seemed that I dreaded the fate which must attend my
future days. I have never been so near wisdom as during this period,
when I felt no great remorse for the past, nor tormenting fear for the
future; the reigning sentiment of my soul being the enjoyment of the
present. Serious people usually possess a lively sensuality, which
makes them highly enjoy those innocent pleasures that are allowed
them. Worldlings (I know not why) impute this to them as a crime: or
rather, I well know the cause of this imputation, it is because they
envy others the enjoyment of those simple and pure delights which they
have lost the relish of. I had these inclinations, and found it
charming to gratify them in security of conscience. My yet
inexperienced heart gave in to all with the calm happiness of a child,
or rather (if I dare use the expression) with the raptures of an
angel; for in reality these pure delights are as serene as those of
paradise. Dinners on the grass at Montagnole, suppers in our arbor,
gathering in the fruits, the vintage, a social meeting with our
neighbors; all these were so many holidays, in which Madam de
Warrens took as much pleasure as myself. Solitary walks afforded yet
purer pleasure, because in them our hearts expanded with greater
freedom. One particularly remains in my memory; it was on a St. Louis'
day, whose name Madam de Warrens bore: we set out together early and
unattended, after having heard a mass at break of day in a chapel
adjoining our house, from a Carmelite, who attended for that
purpose.
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