How was it that this delightful crisis did not secure our mutual
felicity for the remainder of her life and mine? I have the
consoling conviction that it was not my fault; nay, I am persuaded,
she did not willfully destroy it; the invincible peculiarity of my
disposition was doomed soon to regain its empire; but this fatal
return was not suddenly accomplished, there was, thank Heaven, a short
but precious interval, that did not conclude by my fault, and which
I cannot reproach myself with having employed amiss.
Though recovered from my dangerous illness, I did not regain my
strength; my chest was weak, some remains of the fever kept me in a
languishing condition, and the only inclination I was sensible of, was
to end my days near one so truly dear to me; to confirm her in those
good resolutions she had formed; to convince her in what consisted the
real charms of a happy life, and, as far as depended on me, to
render hers so; but I foresaw that in a gloomy, melancholy house,
the continual solitude of our tete-a-tetes would at length become
too dull and monotonous: a remedy presented itself: Madam de Warrens
had prescribed milk for me, and insisted that I should take it in
the country; I consented, provided she would accompany me; nothing
more was necessary to gain her compliance, and whither we should go
was all that remained to be determined on. Our garden (which I have
before mentioned) was not properly in the country, being surrounded by
houses and other gardens, and possessing none of those attractions
so desirable in a rural retreat; besides, after the death of Anet,
we had given up this place from economical principles, feeling no
longer a desire to rear plants, and other views making us not regret
the loss of that little retreat.
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