Sensible of the sincerity of my zeal, she was frequently affected,
and would then make the finest promises in the world: but only let
an artful schemer arrive, and in an instant all her good resolutions
were forgotten. After a thousand proofs of the inefficacy of my
remonstrances, what remained but to turn away my eyes from the ruin
I could not prevent; and fly myself from the door I could not guard! I
made therefore little journeys to Nion, to Geneva and Lyons, which
diverted my mind in some measure from this secret uneasiness, though
it increased the cause by these additional expenses. I can truly
aver that I should have acquiesced with pleasure in every
retrenchment, had Madam de Warrens really profited by it, but being
persuaded that what I might refuse myself would be distributed among a
set of interested villains, I took advantage of her easiness to
partake with them, and, like the dog returning from the shambles,
carried off a portion of that morsel which I could not protect.
Pretenses were not wanting for all these journeys; even Madam de
Warrens would alone have supplied me with more than were necessary,
having plenty of connections, negotiations, affairs, and
commissions, which she wished to have executed by some trusty hand. In
these cases she usually applied to me; I was always willing to go, and
consequently found occasions enough to furnish out a rambling kind
of life. These excursions procured me some good connections, which
have since been agreeable or useful to me.
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