In vain did Le
Maitre reclaim his property, his means of existence, the labor of
his life; his right to the music in question was at least subject to
litigation, but even that liberty was not allowed him, the affair
being instantly decided on the principle of superior strength. Thus
poor Le Maitre lost the fruit of his talents, the labor of his
youth, and principal dependence for the support of old age.
Nothing was wanting to render the news I had received truly
afflicting, but I was at an age when even the greatest calamities
are to be sustained; accordingly I soon found consolation. I
expected shortly to hear news of Madam de Warrens, though I was
ignorant of the address, and she knew nothing of my return. As to my
desertion of Le Maitre (all things considered) I did not find it so
very culpable. I had been serviceable to him in his retreat; it was
not in my power to give him any further assistance. Had I remained
with him in France it would not have cured his complaint. I could
not have saved his music, and should only have doubled his expense: in
this point of view I then saw my conduct; I see it otherwise now. It
frequently happens that a villainous action does not torment us at the
instant we commit it, but on recollection, and sometimes even after
a number of years have elapsed, for the remembrance of crimes is not
to be extinguished.
The only means I had to obtain news of Madam de Warrens was to
remain at Annecy. Where should I seek her at Paris? or how bear the
expense of such a journey? Sooner or later, there was no place where I
could be so certain to hear of her as that I was now at; this
consideration determined me to remain there, though my conduct was but
indifferent.
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