This was exactly what I wanted; for feeling, in
spite of myself, the extravagance of my conduct, I wished to excuse it
by the addition of injustice and ingratitude, by throwing the blame on
others, and sheltering myself under the idea of necessity.
I was told the Count de Favria wished to speak with me the next
morning before my departure; but, being sensible that my head was so
far turned as to render it possible for me to disobey the
injunction, maitre d'hotel declined paying the money designed me,
and which certainly I had very ill earned, till after this visit;
for my kind patrons being unwilling to place me in the situation of
a footman, I had not any fixed wages.
The Count de Favria, though young and giddy, talked to me on this
occasion in the most sensible and serious manner: I might add, if it
would not be thought vain, with the utmost tenderness. He reminded me,
in the most flattering terms, of the cares of his uncle, and
intentions of his grandfather; after having drawn in lively colors
what I was sacrificing to ruin, he offered to make my peace, without
stipulating any conditions, but that I should no more see the
worthless fellow who had seduced me.
It was so apparent that he did not say all this of himself, that
notwithstanding my blind stupidity, I powerfully felt the kindness
of my good old master; but the dear journey was too firmly printed
on my imagination for any consideration to balance the charm. Bereft
of understanding, firm to my purpose, I hardened myself against
conviction, and arrogantly answered, that as they had thought fit to
give me warning, I had resolved to take it, and conceived it was now
too late to retract, since, whatever might happen to me, I was fully
resolved not to be driven a second time from the same house.
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