I was not absolutely resolved to become a Catholic, but, as it was
not necessary to declare my intentions immediately, I gradually
accustomed myself to the idea; hoping, meantime, that some
unforeseen event would extricate me from my embarrassment. In order to
gain time, I resolved to make the best defense I possibly could in
favor of my own opinion; but my vanity soon rendered this resolution
unnecessary, for on finding I frequently embarrassed those who had the
care of my instruction, I wished to heighten my triumph by giving them
a complete overthrow, I zealously pursued my plan, not without the
ridiculous hope of being able to convert my convertors; for I was
simple enough to believe, that could I convince them of their
errors, they would become Protestants; they did not find, therefore,
that facility in the work which they had expected, as I differed
both in regard to will and knowledge from the opinion they had
entertained of me.
Protestants, in general, are better instructed in the principles
of their religion than Catholics; the reason is obvious, the
doctrine of the former requires discussion, of the latter a blind
submission; the Catholic must content himself with the decision of
others, the Protestant must learn to decide for himself; they were not
ignorant of this, but neither my age nor appearance promised much
difficulty to men so accustomed to disputation. They knew, likewise,
that I had not received my first communion, nor the instructions which
accompany it; but, on the other hand, they had no idea of the
information I received with M.
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