This fondness for imaginary objects, and the facility with which I
could gain possession of them, completed my disgust for everything
around me, and fixed that inclination for solitude which has ever
since been predominant. We shall have more than once occasion to
remark the effects of a disposition, misanthropic and melancholy in
appearance, but which proceed, in fact, from a heart too affectionate,
too ardent, which, for want of similar dispositions, is constrained to
content itself with nonentities, and be satisfied with fiction. It
is sufficient, at present, to have traced the origin of a propensity
which has modified my passions, set bounds to each, and by giving
too much ardor to my wishes, has ever rendered me too indolent to
obtain them.
Thus I attained my sixteenth year, uneasy, discontented with
myself and everything that surrounded me; displeased with my
occupation, without enjoying the pleasures common to my age, weeping
without a cause, sighing I knew not why, and fond of my chimerical
ideas for want of more valuable realities.
Every Sunday, after sermon-time, my companions came to fetch me out,
wishing me to partake of their diversions. I would willingly have been
excused, but when once engaged in amusement, I was more animated and
enterprising than any of them; it was equally difficult to engage or
restrain me: indeed, this was ever a leading trait in my character. In
our country walks I was ever foremost, and never thought of
returning till reminded by some of my companions.
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