I should enter into the most insipid details was I to relate the
trouble, shame, repugnance, and inconvenience of all kinds which I
have experienced in parting with my money, whether in my own person,
or by the agency of others; as I proceed, the reader will get
acquainted with my disposition, and perceive all this without my
troubling him with the recital.
This once comprehended, one of my apparent contradictions will be
easily accounted for, and the most sordid avarice reconciled with
the greatest contempt of money. It is a movable which I consider of so
little value, that, when destitute of it, I never wish to acquire any;
and when I have a sum I keep it by me, for want of knowing how to
dispose of it to my satisfaction; but let an agreeable and
convenient opportunity present itself, and I empty my purse with the
utmost freedom; not that I would have the reader imagine I am
extravagant from a motive of ostentation, quite the reverse: it was
ever in subservience to my pleasures, and, instead of glorying in
expense, I endeavor to conceal it. I so well perceive that money is
not made to answer my purposes, that I am almost ashamed to have
any, and, still more, to make use of it.
Had I ever possessed a moderate independence, I am convinced I
should have had no propensity to become avaricious. I should have
required no more, and cheerfully lived up to my income; but my
precarious situation has constantly and necessarily kept me in fear. I
love liberty, and I loathe constraint, dependence, and all their
kindred annoyances.
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