Women who are to
be purchased have no charms for me; my beating heart cannot be
satisfied without affection; it is the same with every other
enjoyment, if not truly disinterested, they are absolutely insipid; in
a word, I am fond of those things which are only estimable to minds
formed for the peculiar enjoyment of them.
I never thought money so desirable as it is usually imagined; if you
would enjoy, you must transform it; and this transformation is
frequently attended with inconvenience: you must bargain, purchase,
pay dear, be badly served, and often duped. I buy an egg, am assured
it is new-laid- I find it stale; fruit in its utmost perfection-
'tis absolutely green; a girl, and she is tainted. I love good wine,
but where shall I get it? Not at my wine merchant's- he will certainly
poison me. I wish to be universally respected; how shall I compass
my design? I must make friends, send messages, come, go, wait, and
be frequently deceived. Money is the perpetual source of uneasiness; I
fear it more than I love good wine.
A thousand times, both during and since my apprenticeship, have I
gone out to purchase some nicety, I approach the pastry-cook's,
perceive some women at the counter, and imagine they are laughing at
me. I pass a fruit shop, see some fine pears, their appearance
tempts me; but then two or three young people are near, or a man I
am acquainted with is standing at the door; I take all that pass for
persons I have some knowledge of, and my near sight contributes to
deceive me; I am everywhere intimidated, restrained by some
obstacle, and with money in my pocket return as I went, for want of
resolution to purchase what I long for.
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