My aversion for lewdness went
so far, since one day I walked through a hollow in the road at Petit
Sacconez; I saw on both sides cavities in the earth and was told
that it was there the people did their pairing. When I thought of
it, it came to my mind, that I had seen dogs in a similar situation,
and my heart revolted at the remembrance.
These prejudices of education, proper in themselves to retard the
first explosions of a combustible constitution, were strengthened,
as I have already hinted, by the effect the first moments of
sensuality produced in me, for notwithstanding the troublesome
ebullition of my blood, I was satisfied with the species of
voluptuousness I had already been acquainted with, and sought no
further. I never went to the other species of voluptuousness and had
no suspicion that I was so near it. In my crazy fancies during my
erotic passions and while I was committing extravagant acts, I
borrowed the help of the other sex in my imagination.
Thus I passed the age of puberty, with a constitution extremely
ardent, without knowing or even wishing for any other gratification of
the passions than what Miss Lambercier had innocently given me an idea
of; and when I became a man, that childish taste, instead of
vanishing, only associated with the other that I never could remove
from my sensual desires. This folly, joined to a natural timidity, has
always prevented my being very enterprising with women, so that I have
passed my days in languishing in silence for those I most admired,
without daring to disclose my wishes.
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