I believe no
individual of our kind ever possessed less natural vanity than myself.
At intervals, by an extraordinary effort, I arrived at sublime
ideas, but presently sunk again into my original languor. To be
beloved by every one who knew me was my most ardent wish. I was
naturally mild, my cousin was equally so, and those who had the care
of us were of similar dispositions. Everything contributed to
strengthen those propensities which nature had implanted in my breast,
and during the two years I was neither the victim nor witness of any
violent emotions.
I knew nothing so delightful as to see every one content; not only
with me, but all that concerned them. When repeating our catechism
at church, nothing could give me greater vexation, on being obliged to
hesitate, than to see Miss Lambercier's countenance express
disapprobation and uneasiness. This alone was more afflicting to me
than the shame of faltering before so many witnesses, which,
notwithstanding, was sufficiently painful; for though not
over-solicitous of praise, I was feelingly alive to shame; yet I can
truly affirm, the dread of being reprimanded by Miss Lambercier
alarmed me less than the thought of making her uneasy.
Neither she nor her brother were deficient in a reasonable severity,
but as this was scarce ever exerted without just cause, I was more
afflicted at their disapprobation than the punishment. Certainly the
method of treating youth would be altered if the distant effects, this
indiscriminate, and frequently indiscreet method produces, were more
conspicuous.
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