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Various

"Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 159, September 29th, 1920"

I had two--four diamonds to the
eight; four hearts to the eight. A small drop of perspiration gathered upon
my brow. Then I saw that, whereas I held the two, three, five of hearts, I
had the two, three, six of diamonds. Breathing a small prayer, I called two
diamonds. This was immediately doubled by the original declarer of
no-trumps. My partner said "No," my other opponent said "No," and I,
thinking it couldn't be worse, switched into my other best suit and made it
two hearts. The doubler passed and I felt the glow of pride which comes to
the successful strategist. This was frozen instantly by my partner's
declaration of two no-trumps.
If Mr. SMILLIE were suddenly transformed into a Duke I am certain he would
not look so genuinely horror-struck as my partner did when I laid my hand
upon the table. Yet, as I pointed out, it was his own beastly convention,
so I just washed my hands of it and leaned back and watched him hurl forth
his cards as Zeus hurled the thunder-bolts about.
Then, of course, the other convention had to have its innings. My partner
went one no-trump, and I began to look up my five suit. In the meantime the
next player on the declaring list doubled the no-trump. This was very
confusing. Was he playing my partner's convention and asking _his_ partner
for his best suit? I hesitated; but orders are orders, so, having five
spades to the nine, I declared two spades.


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