It was no different than at earlier stages of
his life when he wondered why things didn't move forward but at the
same time was fearful that they would. He was back in the horror known
as family withdrawing himself from it, living in his protective bubble
of withdrawal. "You are afraid of your own shadow." "Are you preparing
for a flood? Those pants look stupid on you." "What are you doing
sitting over there? Get out of that seat?" "I'll mop up the floor
with you one of these days." "Why aren't you working? You are
absolutely good for nothing." "What do you do in that back room, you
pimple faced monkey? Get out of that cage of yours and put down those
books. No use you thinking you are any better than the rest of us."
"Get out of my seat you ugly little fart." He heard it even though none
of these disparaging ideas were articulated in the limousine.
Jatuporn, Jatuporn, he thought. They knew and they mocked him
with his ignominy. If he had been a girl and someone had sexually
abused him he could speak of it and have a good purifying cry cleansing
himself of his stress but his situation was different.
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